Daily A~Musing #46: People Who Smile When They See You

Yeah, I know it sounds hokey, but the hokey-pokey is really what it's all about.  I had some long, involved and exceedingly detailed essay sorta thing to say here, but it's gone.  So, my intent at this time is simply to keep my fingers moving over the little keys on my keyboard, hoping they will somehow recall the thoughts I had moments ago.  Thoughts which inspired the title of this particular entry.  


We could start with the trite bits.  For example, when your child or beloved sees you and they smile and you know it's not at someone standing behind you or anything, it's just for you.  That's a pretty good start.  It's cool when strangers smile when they see you, too.  Unless, of course, it's a psychotic smile with grindy teeth that makes you feel sorta itchy and freaked out.  That's NOT a good thing.  I've had a few of those...we shan't discuss it at this time.  


There are also times when people see you and give you the 'gratuituous' smile.  That's an iffy situation.  I never even know if the display has anything to do with me or if maybe it's some sorta nervous tic that occurs when they're off their meds or waiting for an open bathroom.  Some people are naturally nervous smilers/gigglers, too, so that's another category to toss out in regard to the initial topic.


So, where was I?  Oh yeah.  Typing.  When I meet people (and I'm a social worker, so I meet a LOT of people) I always feel a wee bit awkward at first.  I wonder in my scruffy little head what is going to happen.  Will they understand me?  Will they accept me as part of whatever it is we've come together about, whether it's work stuph, friend stuph, or just random out-and-about stuph.  Do I need to switch on or off?  Does that really mean anything to anyone else but me?  Usually, being in the company of others means switching "ON."  This entails paying attention, listening, taking mental notes, asking appropriate questions, not asking INappropriate questions, learning what jokes are okay and which ones are NOT okay, saying things you think are funny and reading the other person's reaction as, "Nope, not funny to ME."  When is it okay to tell anyone anything about yourself?  When is it not okay to share deep, meaningful crap that really isn't deep or meaningful to anyone but you?  Can I trust this person?  If so, how MUCH can I trust them. Will they be keepers, temps or flybys.  


What's that, you say?  Allow me to elucidate:
FLYBY = Someone you meet in passing.  Possibly someone you may run into from time to time, but not someone who will be around much or often.  This is a very tricky category as many Flybys can be conduits of universal truths.  Hard, that bit.
TEMPS = Someone you feel a brief, temporary and somewhat excessively intense connection with, which either fades into a somewhat embarrassingly vague connection or swells into a bizarre milestone which forever connects you to a stranger who knows something totally important about you though you may never reveal that to anyone else.
KEEPERS = People you gradually get to know, have things in common with and decide to fit into your life.  It really IS a decision, in case you were wondering.  It's a tough decision, but a decision, nonetheless.  I have keepers that I have to make a point to single out here and there to manage continuing our friendships.  I may seem neglectful to them sometimes, but in my mind it's permanent.  I will always make a sincere effort to sustain that history, that connection, that meaningful whatever that brought us together in the first place.  I love them as much as I love anyone else, regardless of how frequently I get to see them or spend time with them.  And, more importantly, I would miss them horribly if they were suddenly no longer on this plane of existence.  


So...what the heck have I been talking about this whole time?  Smiling.  People who smile when they see you.  


I think this phenomenon has the biggest impact when you least expect it.  For example, I had a supervisor who was also a very dear friend.  When they left work, I was lost for awhile.  I had an interim supervisor who did their job, but was clearly not feeling any sort of connection to me.  How could I tell?  How could YOU tell.  My next supervisor hired me a few months later and I knew it was the right place for me to be when I realized they smiled whenever they saw me.  It made me feel good.  It made me feel significant.  Their smile made me feel like I mattered.  Seems like something so silly shouldn't have such a big impact on how a person feels and behaves, and yet...sometimes it's all that really matters.  


I like that some people smile when they see me.  I like that some people look relieved when I show up, like I'm some sorta undercover superhero.  Like I'm some giant remedy.  That makes me feel really good.  Sometimes.